could it be it was all so simple then, or has time re-written every line?

WeeBeastie encountered another doggie ghost today. at least that's what i think she's up to when on rare occasions she will stand uber close to a wall with her tail waggy, tilting her head side to side. it's always in an area that's bright with sunlight or little glinting lights which according to the MobilePsychic could very well be a past pet trying to communicate from the afterlife. who knows? it's cute when she does it, so i like it. my lamb dog.

went whole hog suburban on tuesday night, visiting Woonsocket's new condo out in the western lands. it took a half hour for us just to get from our office area to the kennedy. absolutely ridic, but after that, i admit surprise in the speed of travel, especially considering how damn far we were going. the new crib is airy and they're right by a forest preserve in a quiet neighborhood, which seems fine and all, we had a great walk on their subdivision's paved paths, but i just could not do it. i see pieces of the appeal, but if you don't have children yet, i don't see any reason to get into that settled mode any faster than you need to. especially with the vehicular drama during rush hours here, i just couldn't willingly put myself into an hour commute "on a good day". man, hell no! i am glad for my peeps who get the things they dream of, so i wish well.

last evening's outing was urban in all aspects. worked til 7:30 then raced home to give WeeBeastie a shank run. and run we did, for four blocks solid before any sign of slowing. having her 12th birthday isn't slowing that hound down at all. moderatelyl changed my outfit, got sufficiently mahed out then headed to schubas for an installment of the international pop overthrown fest. got to see the awesome david singer and the sweet science and am now a fan. we were guests of a fantabulous band, "fooling april", who is looking for a rep. still not sure if we'll pick them up, but YangBoss and i really, really liked them. so much that their merch table was luring me like the last temptation of christ. i snagged an adorable t and made friends with the april guys hanging nearby and directed them to the six way for some late night bartime. old Mole has practically neutered me because it didn't occur to me at all to go hang with these talented and cute menfolk when they asked for my reco on places to go. reminds me of how i used to run around with the jazz cats during my earlier years in chicago, and how much has changed since those days. not for bad, but i was more interested in decompressing and getting my man fed after the rigors of his first oil painting class. we dropped by clarke's on belmont for some grub and walked back to the car, hand in hand, a good evening behind us.

the last lost weekend

was it the winterish winds bringing black cloud moods to the end of my april that brought on a desire to step up and get out of my funk? a moment of clarity saying enough is enough, i shall no longer allow the bleakness of the season to rule my days. whatever the case, i am fully committing to taking control of my existance again from the impending feeling of numbness that keeps rearing its head. having much to accomplish and not quite the time needed to keep up, i absolutely *must* get a grip on my lazy inhabiting factors and keep them at bay. i did next to nothing this weekend beyond some loads of laundry and a bit of housecleaning. not nearly what the time available warranted. and surely not enough.

is it really that hard to get up an hour or so early to do some much needed exercise? i must admit, if i weren't mahing out every single night, this would not be difficult. time to trim back on that habit. it's obviously keeping me down in some ways, and with so much consumption, it's taking forever to show any affect. i need a break, some redirection, some energy, some stamina. it's all there, just waiting to be utilized. i just have to do it.

these are the days when anything goes

my whereabouts for the previous three weeks:

* monday, march 28 -- voiceover workshop w/ VoxyLady
* thursday, march 31 -- demo recording session
* friday, april 1 -- the weirdest improv performance i've ever attended @ this dinner club that time forgot in the wrigley building downtown. when i'm told the dinner show is comped, i'm not anticipating having to shell out $100 for Mole and i to eat. a "free" show does not require me to eat subpar food while watching tired performers scream into the dining room from atop some 1982 risers.
* saturday, april 2 -- the great abs workout followed by cardio kick boxing. final four basketball game and dinner @ WidgetControl and Sketch's place.

* monday, april 4 -- saw the funniest damn muslim comedy around @ zanie's. these guys are on our roster and had me falling out! watched the last minutes of the ncaa basketball finals in the green room. on the way home on the chicago bus, i caught the eye of a fine ass lite chocolate brotha. he was giving me the look of love and i woulda been sorely tempted to act up if not for the Mole.
* tuesday, april 5 -- demo recording session
* wednesday, april 6 -- demo recording session
* thursday, april 7 to monday, april 11 -- glorious san francisco with the constant presence of conservative rhetoric in my face. SFPushy has written me twice now proclaiming how much fun she had and imploring me to visit again soon. WidgetControl assessed it correctly by saying this bitch was *needing* a visitor. there must be a pheromone in me that attracts these self-centered peeps. i did enjoy jaunting through the wine country though.

tuesday, april 12 -- demo recording session
friday, april 15 -- my first experience seeing "hair" after performing it last in 2001. truly magnificent. followed by a midnight show by this pushy improv team who wants us to rep them. again, i have to ask where these "talent" think they get the fuck off being demanding with me regarding taking them on our roster. i'm not trying to front on your shit, but if i tell you i don't think we have room for your type of act, do you think huffing that you're oh so different from our line-up and giving me attitude is going to pursuade me to want to take you? listen to yourself and think!
saturday, april 16 -- demo recording session

i need to exercise more to keep up with all this.

take trips; get high; laugh, talk and goodbye

in lieu of a legit recap of my recent "hair" experience, Agent99 gives you a copy and paste of correspondence with LadyB of africa who is in the throws of potentially mounting a production on the dark continent. this is what i said:

lord have mercy, child, i have alot to preach on hur! i must tell you, though, that i'm on my last legs from a very long day (2 hours of recording time doesn't sound like much, but when you up in the booth speaking up for skin toners, cars and diapers for that long, it's alot of damn talking, then followed by an extra long day of talking at my "career jobby" to make up for the time i was talking to the talent buyers of america on my own behalf), :) and i'm hardly able to make sense to myself tonight, so i have to beg a reprieve for a weekend response. and trust, i have a few things to expound upon. have to agree with many of the concerns you have and feel you on being really leery of jumping into this project with the hinderances you can already foresee. namely to me is that there seem to be alot of chiefs already in addition to ones not chiming in, right? feels like there's alot of hands trying to lead the mix already, from my completely one-sided view from a single chain of e-mails. :) all i mean is that opins aplenty about what this show is and should be are already quite varied and i'm not sure exactly how that will pan out. i'm sorry to slink off to bed without going on further, but i did get out my script and listen to the broadway recording tonight to really get my head around this show again to discuss with you. my gut instinct tells me that everyone would be most happy, and you'd still have a type of "hair" experience that would hold some nice memories for you, would be to select the songs that everyone likes the most from the show and arrange some big type of nighttime extravaganza with lots of african drumming out on one of your desert perches for pondering the world. now that would be fierce. you could fill a longer set with more mystic rock songs from musicals. i think it could be really cool, just a way to honor this show that i feel is appreciated by these other voices i'm reading (and of course, do not know, am simply giving my take from a blind read, right?), but i'm not sure that they *get* what's up with this show. my first read on these letters made me feel like there's alot more interest in "entertaining" for the sake of entertaining and including the community in arts -- and there ain't nothin' wrong with that -- but this show deserves more. i can see that you get that already. i'm not certain that your peeps do, though, which isn't necessarily an awful thing. i ain't trying to get my judge on up on nobody. i know you feel what i'm sayin'.

thus, i will check in with more concrete points on how much this show and it's prophetic message will change if much is monkeyed with content-wise. i'm not a big fan of altering a script much, because i feel it disrespects the artist's intent. i don't like to take liberties with a writer's lines much less major chunks of plotline. if some pieces that are deemed too hot to handle from the general public in arusha are yanked out of the script, and seriously, this is some heavy ass content in this show, don't let some of the chipper sounding songs fool you. it's really sad and i cried intensely at that show here last weekend. they really got it and it was a tight production, lots of fun to watch. it's definitely more than dancing hippies (again, i know you get this), but if you try to avoid or put the modification headlock on the script, i feel you're just not giving it the service it deserves.

seriously, i must get some rest! i say goodnight and you say good morn! i hope that you're not reading any crazed malice into my tone above (the real bane of e-mail is not being able to read tone accurately, don't you think?). having the experience last weekend was just the beginning of me thinking about this message again, four years after i ended my two year affair with that tribe, and it's interesting to see where i'm at with it now. you know it was some serious shit in my life, so even though i'm in a different place than i was during that catharsis junction, i give it its props for moving me forward in my life journey. i don't want to come off as stodgey or obnoxious, i'll just let you reserve your thoughts until i rattle off some calculations i was making about the flow of the show if some different elements it sounds like are on the editing block end up hitting the road, jack.

it has been good to stroll down this road less travelled in my memory forest as of late. more when the daytime grind is off my back for a few days.

i'm evolving, i'm evolving through the drugs that you put down.

be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

three days back into the safe confines of chicago and i'm still decompressing from this visit to the city by the bay. my very light business schedule gave me a bit too much time to socialize with my friend from the past, SanFranPushy. she was kind enough to hire me for my very first job after college at a child welfare non-profit org in da lou back in '97 and we always had a great relationship back in the day, so i was excited about being able to see her in her home city. she moved there from da lou in 2000, so we have seen each other in awhile. not sure if my aversion to those on the conservative bandwagon has increased more than i think, or if she's gotten crazier than when i knew her before, but this visit was tiring and bordering on intolerable. fear of karmic retribution compels me to mention that SFPushy was the ultimate tour guide to the city. she carted my ass from end to end in that town, hitting numerous lookout points and even took us up into wine country for a day. very accommodating. however, she's not at all accommodating to listening to anyone talk but herself. i am not exaggerating in the least when i say that this bitch talked the entire time i was there. non-stop. we dissected every last detail of the last three serious relationships she's been in, her hair, her clothes, her job, her likes and dislikes, and, most importantly, her assertion that san francisco is by far superior to any city in the world in every possible way. now, i liked the town myself and did find it charming, but i didn't need to be reminded about it every half hour. i also knew that living in st. louis was difficult for her after spending her life in california, but i didn't need to be told daily how shitty the town was, how bad the food, how backward, how horrible ad nauseum. i know it's different than california and i know she didn't love living there, but even though i have chosen to reside elsewhere, st. louis is still my hometown and i've become really pissed at myself that i allowed her to denegrate it repeatedly. it's where i'm from and we are all derived from our origins whether we like it or not. after awhile, i felt like i really had to bite my tongue because i was shacking at her crib and relying on her, but suffice to say that i will not be pursuing this friendship any longer. to show how vastly different impressions can be, i received a note from SFPushy yesterday telling me that she'd had the best time hanging out and really hoped we'd be able to keep in touch and visit again. yes, i'll be sure to notify her when i want to be talked down to again in the near future.

smoking mah from a milk carton bong in my hotel room was priceless, though. it pays to be in cahoots with the DopeMan, especially when you're on his home turf. wish i could have mah'd out for the rest of my visit w/ SFP. naturally, she finds dope to be problematic and "just doesn't get it." i suppose that someone who champions their group of gay friends yet votes for chimpanzee bush wouldn't.

(that bright, anticeptic smell is me spring cleaning yet another draining former acquaintence.)

i can't sleep a wink, you know for three days, i'm goin' insane! i'd give you everything i got for a little peace of mind!

this is a night where i could really use some rest and since that ain't happenin', my second choice would be some mah to get my ass rested, and since *that* ain't happenin', i might as well try to sort out my head and perhaps bore myself into tears so i can finally get some shut eye.

when i turn insomniac, it's often because i have a bunch of mess running around my mind and causing me worry. the reality is that there are so many people who have much, much more internal commotion than i that it seems silly to be concerned about my trivial pursuits. but we gots to be who we is.

even after jumping out of bed to get most of my clothes ready for the suitcase has not settled my nerves. trust that i am indeed excited to be heading out to the west coast (although why HammahTime must continue to book me on these early ass morning jaunts is beyond me), every time i travel anywhere, and that can be on a biz trip or even home to da lou, i worry incessantly about packing. it ain't like san francisco is some kind of third world burrough where i couldn't easily replace anything i might inadvertantly forget to pack in the big bag of wonder. i don't know what it is, but i get really balled up about figuring out what i need to bring and making it all fit compactly. i don't have to deal with the banner cannisters on this run, but i do have to carry that big ass suitcase that we previously transported the conference booth inside in order to bring out a few large foamcore adverts of the DateRapeSquad. this may work to my advantage and give me some extra storage space i don't normally get, but i'm still no fan of that bulky cargo. at least i know my boots will fit in there.

let us pray that TaxMan's inept staff can locate my missing w-2 forms in time for me to ship off my taxation justification next week. imagine my surprise when i was preparing to sign all the forms when i noticed only *one* of my three jobs representing along with the inclusion of a w-2 for some randomite. nowhere near me in alphabetical order, zip code, location or social. just this dude's w-2's getting jiggy with mine. i know that admin assistant took a tongue lashing for that, but, you know, it's the final four for accountants, if you will, and attention to detail is a must. and people wonder why i double check every damn thing that comes my way?

better check in with the lawyer regarding the paper serving of Slumlord. if there's a time i could really use that four grand back in my wallet, tis now.

must , must write a recommendation letter for ConnieKinzie! she asked me to do that in december and i promised it to her two months ago. i need to help a young upstart out. she's worth it.

shape.com is a well of great info. the printed mag is among my faves right now and their site has exercise info galore. if i'm going to shell out on those headshots this summer, i needs to get some more muscle tone built up. i'm certainly at a weight i can handle (four years post the big drop and holding!), but i admit i could stand some toning. i'm kinda liking my notion of pre-work strength training in the crib with my bands, because getting my ass up in time to get organized for and subsequently hit the gym is simply not working for me. i want a routine to abide with!

perhaps i should pay some bills online before the credit bureau puts out a warrant on my delinquent ass.

michael jackson killed himself

or, one of the best april fool's jokes i've been gotten on in a long time. YinBoss was in rare performance mode today and got me all wound up by first telling me that the illini had been been disqualified out of the final four (this wasn't crushing news, but i was a little confused because i knew Mole had plans to watch a game tomorrow). he then went on to state, "and you know what else? michael jackson killed himself!" not that i have a serious love or concern for the gloved wondah, but that was the last thing i was expecting to hear and it really shocked me. i'm told that my reaction to this breaking news was the best of all. i kept walking around saying, "i just can't believe that. no way!" while YinBoss and HammahTime informed me that he'd done it as a drug overdose last night. apparantly, HT really believes this will happen and is utterly convinced it will be the case if he gets convicted and sent to the pen. all i know is that michael best be fearing for his life if he gets dropped in that tank of darkness. have to say it was a great stunt though, because i believed every word until YinBoss told me i'd find the story on the tribune site under the april fools section.

Mole and i have been popping out of our winter wraps this week and it feels incredibly good to be out and about. we're on the cusp of the best time of year in the chi and i'm ready to soak up every second. winter's numb will be back in our faces in a blink so i'm not wasting any moments. last night he was planning to go to a poetry reading within a stroll of our crib on ashland, but his work hoochies took too long to get to our place, and the next thing i know, i overhear him telling one on the phone, "listen, i think we've missed too much of that reading to go now, and well, we've been smoking alot of dope, so now we really want to go somewhere for some ice cream. is that cool with you?" thus we headed out to earwax and settled into one of the game tables for fries and vegan desserts (carrot cake and german chocolate, respectively). we'll be able to hang on their patio soon enough and that will be a good thing. think i'll take my niece here while she's visiting this summer.

so there's a production of the "hair" just opening here that i think i need to see. it's an actual tribe that organized themselves into a little theatre company after they performed the show in 2002. they're all pretty young and either in college still or just out, so i know they'll have alot of enthusiasm to bring to the material. i'm currently unsure how i'll react to watch this again. bound to bring back a heap of memories, that's for sure.