meet Agent99: a feisty chicago gurl making the rounds through her 30s accompanied by her canine sidekick, WeeBeastie.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

stereolab on the morning drive

many early commutes drag by without me taking notice of any details of my surroundings. sure, i'm watching what i pass but i'm not necessarily storing anything away for later recall. today's drive to work held many visual treasures, beginning with my immediate departure from my crib. holding back on crossing ashland was wise when my signal first turned green. there are so many people running red lights in this city and two big ass kidnapping vans blazed through the intersection as i should have been crossing. as i pulled up to the stop at the corner of erie and bishop, i took heed of what Wry would surely categorize as something so politically incorrect that your head is on the verge of explosion. i spied a tiny man, about my height, bobbing along the sidewalk in this silly leather hunting cap with floppy ears. he made me laugh.......until i noticed that he was crippled..... his journey next placed him in the midst of a pack of black jehovah's witnesses doing their morning canvas of the door-to-door. our neighborhood is a pretty solid mix of hispanics, whities and other random eastern europeans. not many blacks representin' here. as i merged onto the highway, the cars were swallowing me up and it felt really thick (Gonzo says wednesdays are heavy with airport traffic), and in the midst of my dodging, i noticed "pin-89" on the license plates of a tiny white haired gent puttering onto the kennedy. he could hardly see over the steering wheel and his little mitts were holding on with a vengence. wondered how often he still put his soggy relexes out into such brutal vehicular drama. the neighborhood my office sits in is just within chicago city limits; literally an intersection away from north shore suburbs. it's only 10 miles from my home near downtown but has a completely different flavor to it. fortunately, diversity is on the main ingredient list. we're most certainly in the minority by being an office of all white employees in our building. we reside on the top floor, big bad #5, of this 1960s style bank building. the bank's clientele are almost exclusively korean, so it's often that i'll be near the drive-up teller area and hear rapidfire asian chatter. also making their presence known in this neighborhood are a proliferation of jews (many orthodox) and pakistanis. i continue to hold a belief in the value derived from living and working around people who aren't a carbon copy of yourself. why i need to surround up with a bunch of pale ass whities lookin like me? i'll take the diversity, thank you. walking WeeBeastie was the best way to start my day. i'd forgotten how enjoyable it is to subsist on a light jacket, t and jeans. it will be pouring rain by the time i get home tonight, so it's good that she got her pant on early. i'm ready for more of this weather. dog walking when it's breezy is truly one of my greatest pleasures.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Agent99, make this happen! wants magician.

nearing two weeks with nary a blogging chirp from the Agent99. how has my time skipped away so easily? looking back over my day planner (it's a peace calendar, ya heard?), i see a few things of note.

Namaste and i are of the same cash hustling ilk, so it came as no surprise that she too saw the ads on craigslist for the dove tv commercial. now, when i spotted these ads, they were for a "deoderant research study", but my suspicions quickly rang true when i showed up to "apply" at the tv casting company that this study was in reality a tv commercial showing "real women" trying out a new product. my time there was a whirlwind as i was whipped into a room full of bally's wannabe actresses who could not comprehend how to sign in for the audition (you should have seen the pack of collective deer in headlights eyes of vapidity when they were told not to sign in on the dove sheets.....again. it was like they all had blank cartoon bubbles attached to their skinny little heads with no thoughts registering at all) then quickly pushed into the auditioning room to be filmed answering questions about my lifestyle. mind you, i didn't even get to read the questionairre before my little performance, nor was anything told to me about what this project was about. thus, i can honestly admit that i was not at my most sassy and was not concerned that this project passed me by. i was just pleased to get a look inside this agency so i know my way around for whenever a future auditioning opportunity may present itself there. for an actual job instead a "study" aka commercial. Namaste was on her game during her moment in the sun. she went through three rounds of callbacks and is now inked in for production, which should land her a cool $15K. i love seeing a friend succeed and even more so since she's gonna treat me to a night on the town in honor of my inside industry expertise during her auditioning process. (i love the little ways my experience in advertising keeps coming back to help out. who wudda known?) you know i loves me a good meal and most especially the chance to be a trendista in this city of jaw-dropping expenses. go on, Namaste, with your dove'd armpits!

spent some time catching up on mostly good movies and can now pull "camp", "girl, interrupted", "permanent midnight" and "the iron giant" off my to see list. i also can add the "oh, save the speech, rummy!" address to my list of fave movie quotes. by no means do i have a real collection as i rarely catch a film and am okay with that, buut i do give props to the ladies who lunch. ben stiller does a damn good job in a dramatic role and i recommend "p.mid" to anyone who has had a drug ruling their world. seeing him shoot up with that baby in the car is too much!! also saw a great biopic on robert evans called "the kid stays in the picture" during a doggie play date with VoxyLady and her canine offspring MashedPotato. amazingly, WeeBeastie does not find him threatening and they seem to enjoy each other's company. there's not many dogs we can say that about as far as the terrier is concerned.

this past weekend was spent eastah style in da lou. highlights of each day:

* friday: overslept, spent too much time puffin, and didn't get on the road til 2:30 p.m. outgoing traffic was bad news, so it took me six hours to get home to da lou. MeeMaw and WeatherBird were irritable. fell asleep watching tv around 11.

* saturday: went to Bulldog's house to visit for a few hours, had a snack at breadco with MeMaw (no panera in da lou, just the original stl breadco), stopped by some ghetto store called tuesday mornings so MeMaw could find a crystal cross to add to her easter centerpiece. seriously. had a brief nap before meeting Wry out for sushi. sushi in da lou is always a crapshoot on the freshness potential and this place in brentwood/fenton/watson road/who the fuck knows area was good with the veggie rolls, but not so much the dragon. i had two bites of the latter and decided that wasn't in anyone's best interest to consume -- that thing tasted like the mississippi rivah. but they served it on this delightful wooden ship (and i mean, with a mast and rudder and the whole shebang), so that more than made up for it. the mango ice cream mochi for dessert were delish too. even better, it was really, really good to hang with my old friend. it's been three years since we saw each other and that's just too long. i'm quite happy to reconnect with him.

* sunday: church with the revelation that MeMaw is telling her friends that i'm moving back to da lou "oh, probably in the next six months." say what???? i reiterated to my source that new orleans is the most likely next stop on the southbound chicago train, so hopefully that will get back to my mother. i'm still perplexed why she would think that, but it obviously ain't happening. i know she and the WeatherBird long for that day to come when i traipse back home in a u-haul, and i fear that the need for me to supervise their care at some later date will force me to do so, but that day thankfully hasn't arrived. (and i don't say that in a snarky way. i'd much rather my folks be on the healthy and able side because i love them, not because i don't want to live in their city.) but for today with the sitch being what it is, there's no reason for me to be living within the limits of da lou and i'm in no kind of hurry for that day to arrive. six months. sheesh.

dear lord, i just heard a noise right outside my office door and instantaneously screamed "who the fuck is out there?" at the top of my lungs before charging out! it was like supah adreneline kicked in since i'm holed up in here by myself and i'm always a tiny bit creeped that someone is gonna tromp up in her after hours. my heart is pounding like a mofo! sweet jesus, that scared me to death!!! good to see that i went into full-blown ass beating mode though at the hint of dangah. small folks gots to take care of themselves.

to my great amusement, this comment was posted on metromix about some new swankateria called the motel bar. it's up in that japonais shack with the kitch'n river north on chicago avenue.
-----------------------------------
March 11, 2005
chicago
chicago, il
Yawn! Nothing special. Very slow service for cocktails. 65% 40 plus women, mostly 815 (suburbans)
------------------------------------

yes, that's just too 815 for this sistah's blood. i'm gonna have to use that little descriptor in the future.

back to talent wrangling. current projects include a magician for a kids' bowling league banquet, a hypnotist for a prom party in pennsylvania, country bands for a statewide "good sam" organization's festival and listening to piles of god awful bands who want us to represent them. you know, not to be all shitty, but i must.....if you cannot spell the name of my agency correctly in your cover letter, i don't want to represent you. if your website looks like dogshit, i'm not too excited to put you out there under my name either. we all want to be successful, but i'm not going to risk endangering my reputation in our markets by pushing these horrible bands on my buyers. there are some really, really tragic examples of "talent" in our country and i am seeing them every time i open up the day's intake of promotion sent for consideration. i'm perplexed at how they've been getting any gigs whatsoever. better keep on keepin' on, because there won't be work coming from me. and use spellcheck and get some professionally designed promo and video if you have any desire to become a working performer, for the love of god. there, that's a free tip from Agent99 to you.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

this is what it means to be irish to americans?

yesterday, i had the following chat with YinBoss through the speaker phones in our offices:

YinBoss: Agent99, um, yeah. pick up line 2, there's ....um... there's this event planner i work with and (heh heh) she wants some leprachauns this weekend. (heh heh)

Agent99: where the fuck am i supposed to find those?

YB: call up QuirkyCostumedDwarfTroupe. they'll help you out.

{the really scary thing is that in the last two weeks, i've had to call QuirkyCostumedDwarfTroupe for three, count em, three separate potential bookings. suddenly, i am the queen of all things kiddie, bridezilla and celebrity impersonator.}

i pick up line 2.

A99: hi, this is Agent99. YinBoss tells me you're looking for some leprachauns, is that right?

EventPlanner: yeah......how much are they?

A99: well, what are you using them for? it's a private party, right?

EP: .....yeah.....

A99: so you probably want them for some walkaround, right?

EP: ........................what do you mean?

A99: you want to hire them to stroll around your party entertaining your guests, shake hands with them, whatnot?

EP: yeah......i guess....i mean, my boss just called me up and said, "hey, do you think you could get some leprachauns for that party of mine on saturday?", so, i mean, i guess that's what he'd want. is that what the leprachauns normally do?

A99: (out of my mouth i hear myself say): oh yeah, i mean they'll take pictures with the guests if people want that, do a few little jigs, just hang out. you know.

{i have no idea if any of the above is true. i have no idea if there are in fact any of these guys around for said performances. but i'm going to find out.}

i tell her i'll call back after i talk to the manager of the QCDT. yep, he's got some leprachauns available, but they're booked pretty heavily all day, so they couldn't get to this party til 10 p.m. he might be able to send a solo guy instead of the normal pack of 'chauns to work with their schedule, though. EventPlanner seems excited that some small green imps will be available for her boss' soiree.

EP: you know, whatever you need for the contract, i mean, food & drinks, we'll totally hook them up.. i mean, my boss used to be an actor, so he'll know how to treat these leprachauns.

YinBoss: Agent99, don't waste alot of time on this! just get them connected and help make it happen! it's a great way to pad your money for the month! look how easy that was!

price of your very own lucky irish mascot? single performer, $375 first hour, $200 for each subsequent hour.

happy st. patrick's day, to the irish and their wannabes everywhere.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

lookin' back, on a track, for a little green bag

CheetahGurl earned a new blogname last evening. she shall now be known as WidgetControl. WC's daytime is spent doing development work for cawc, the chicago abused women's center, and last night, they had a fundraising party at the lowest ceiling'd bar in the chi, the underground wonder bar. i've spent a few drunken evenings at this place, most noteably on the eve of my birthday 2002 (my first in the chi, turning 28) in the company of my SteakhouseManifest co-workers. this is the night that i first smooched on my friend, NorcoKev (yes, he was still with his trifflin' girlfriend -- the first one, not this good one of late). you know, it was one short round of kissing in a dark corner, and that bitch was so much drama for him, he knew he needed to let her go. and it was my damn birthday and all i'd had in the recent past at that point in time was the terribly creepy rendezvous with FatFinger, but just previous to that, MyDaddy had been in town (selling merch for a friend's band and riding the tour to move him to nyc. pretty clever.), which was great, but had been a few months a memory, so i deserved to get some closeness on. my wishes were coming true, as later in the night, i got hit on by this blind cat who was a jazz piano player. he was nice, but a bit of a sloshy nervosa ala stevie-style because he was boozin and in fit of enthusiasm, doused me with an entire bottle of miller lite, head to waist. i followed that by chatting with the seemingly artsy then suddenly creepy guy looking to crash at my crib to escape some live-in girlfriend in winnetka (um, no thanks). i'd decided i was over indulging his mouth, so i left the bar with him hot on my heels, bombarding me on the street to take him home with me. then, outta the black of the night, this car came tearing up chicago avenue, screeched to a halt in front of us and said to me, "get in the car." LadyB was riding shotgun with our tiny friend Pixie in her lap like a ventriluquist dummy, and she looked at me and asked if i was cool with this guy. i said no and hopped in to escape and leave that guy yelling at us for a ride. he actually had the nerve to keep yelling for me to take him to my place. not after you put the grips on my arm like that and tried to pull me by you. so, i haven't been tooling around this place since a random visit to celebrate janis joplin's birthday at their annual celebratory pageant last january, which we discovered our neighbor performs at. sometimes this city is smaller than i think. WidgetControl is funny to watch work this event, because she's having fun enough for the circumstances, but it's still *working* fo yo work, dig? i was repeatedly amused to observe her interacting with her crazed boss, who has been on storytime royalty in our circle for months, and whom i've never met, but greatly enjoy tales of. homegirl is in her late 40s and uses this very silly nickname into whose introduction she consistantly peppers the following, "that's Beetle. b e e t l e . yeah, my folks used to call me the Beetle before i was born." of course, she has this hilarious name that i'd like to utilize and WidgetControl got to ring it out twice on mic as she won a random prize drawing. first and last name would be equivalent to Beetle Sabbatinni. And WC announcing her name in this very serious tone that was further cracking me up. Beetle? Beetle Sabbatinni? Beetle?.........Sabbatinni? i was snickering away to hear this silly name in a common situation and then WC actually admits to me that she told Beetle "a friend of mine is coming tonight who thinks your name is really hilarious, so she might laugh at you when she meets you." now, i think i could have kept it realer than real during a brief intro with this woman....until WidgetControl told me she pre-announced my arrival with that caveat, so of course, i avoided meeting her as long as possible, because i'm totally paranoid about wanting to crack up in her face about this stupid name, but i can't because that's exactly what she expects me to. fucking WidgetControl got me all off kilter thinking about it and i couldn't get it out of my head. as expected, i had to interface with Beetle, and it really took alot to hold it together and not turn into a guffawing mess. i did keep my composure, no thanks to WC.

had a few false starts just to arrive at the wonder bar. the cover for this event was advertised as $6 a head or bringing something from the center's wishlist. thus, i made a point to hike over to the target last week to get this family-sized bottle of shower gel (cuz it's gots to be all big for a bunch of women and kids to share) and a box of band-aids for good measure. i bag them up in a shopping bag from una mae's freak boutique, and like the idea of them mixing in the pile of donations. i was very pleased with myself and strutted down the stairs to get in our cab, complementing my mental prowess in remembering not only my i.d. and scant amount of cash, but also a couple of low fared cta cards so we could scrimp even further and take the bus home, *and* even some exact change to boost the cards up to valid levels. then i hit the front door of our building and realized i'd forgotten that damn bag with the cover/donations. i hauled back up to the third floor and soon enough, found myself back in the waiting cab with our regular driver, Gonzo, at the wheel. yes, it is true, i have wrangled my own on-call cabbie. this guy is a trip and really likes to augment his fares with regulars in his chosen driving area, which just happens to be the bermuda triangle of neighborhoods in the same zip code that we've lived in this past year. Gonzo randomly stopped to pick me up at the damen blue line stop as i was returning from a business trip to some forelorn fly-over city. he's a hulking, bulky hippie-ish dude with glasses and long hair. he loves to read, and i'm pretty sure he digs him some sci-fi. but he's always chatty and nice and not at all spooksville, so i happily took his card after our maiden voyage and he drives the chariot on probably 80% of my chauffered jaunts around town. he's my regular guy, and who doesn't like to have some of those? naturally, we're running further behind than we'd intended, which has Mole getting antsy because he's tired anyway, but it ain't my fault my man had to all come up on me and get me wanting to hook it up with him. i was liking his kissing for real and i said i could wait til we'd returned from this event de Beetle, but no, he had to get me up in the bed before we left. i have no shame about it: that thing started at 8:30 and we was rolling an hour later cuz my man got me to make love to him. about halfway en route to the bar, i ask Mole where that bag is with the donations and he says that i went back inside to get it, i should have it. i'm laughing insanely because i have no earthly idea where that thing is and no recollection of whether it even made it out of the house with me or not. i must be losing my mind, but i was totally blank and completely he-hawing about this, wondering outloud if the bag might be hiding somewhere on the floor of the cab that we'd be able to see when we arrived and the interior lights came on. Mole said, "no. that bag is not in the car, and you had it last." thus, we came to pay $10 in cover (less than advertised, so there were bonus coupons that night for the loyal shoppers) to go along with the bag of goods that i found resting comfortably where i'd left them on my dining room table. both times.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

in my sight, in my mind

* need to set up appointment times with recording for the blind and dyslexic. it is shameful that i have let almost two months slide by after my orientation.

* dig up any and all tax papers for meeting with TaxMan on thursday.

* schedule design meeting with Mutt for my cd covers, etc.

* birthday gifts for nephews

* register with bone marrow donors

* look into those new credit cards from citi and see if i'm really eligible to transfer those funds around

* try to get appointment with DrGyna during easter weekend?

* hit the post office with victoria's secret return box

* apply for the haircut study at art & science. lord knows i need some new style in this mop!

* eat an apple. they're good for a mid-afternoon energy rush.

* enjoy the office silence being inflicted upon me by HammahTime. my wolverine outburst yesterday is helping keep my quarters on the quiet side today. thank you.

* dream of moving to new orleans and working from home. by myself. with my own clean bathroom to use each day.

* countdown til i'm hanging in napa country: 3 weeks, 2 days!

* organize those to be seen while in da lou next weekend. Tanneth? MrBojangles?

Monday, March 14, 2005

another piece of work misfit has my hedwig cd

i do try to play well with others and even with having much, much more patience in dealing with annoying others than i used to, there are still times when small maneuvers can get under my skin, and i can become....a bit testy.

on friday, i had to work sans the buffer of either YinBoss or YangBoss to keep our office manager more manageable. with no owners in sight, hat put me manning the office accompanied by our intern and HammahTime. not even that the chiefs' presence make the office any different, but they must keep some of the weird behavior in check, because without them around, i could not avoid observing her in the truest of form. HammahTime has a litany of issues on her plate that would require entirely too much of my blog time to even attempt to dissect, but i would like to share the tale of the stage/hollywood actor who became her nemesis after an ill-fated bout of pushyface. let us call this chap TomHanks, but you know i'm just booolshittin, cuz that ain't who it is! TomHanks has a live band as a sidebar project that seems to gig around the chi with some regularity when he's not making a movie. much to Hammah's detriment, a couple of years ago, he took his band out on a u.s.o tour and hired HammahTime to serve as their road manager on the reco of some friend of an aquaintance. they hit some islandymiddleeasternlyexotica military bases and for some time, a little photo collage was running our my agency's site promoting her brush with star quality. so, i asked HT about this trip right after i starting working here last summer, genuinely interested in any tales she'd have to impart about this actor, and she gave me this big sob story about what an asshole he was to her, how she "was only doing what she was told", but some of the guys in the band got bent out of shape about the way she handled....something. i mean, she was plainly instructed that everyone in the gang had to have their passports out for some kind of special screening going through an airport, and well, i guess she got kinda in everyone's face about it and maybe it seemed a little abrupt, but she was *only* doing what they'd told her! i suppose they also included instruction to turn into a wildebeest on anyone who dared to object, and i could absolutely see this weirdo turn loose at the mere sip of perceived authority, cuz girlfriend *love* to be in charge. i bet she acted like a total nutcase and the band cats gave that action the old hell no. it seems as though her unbecoming behavior prohibited Hammah from further enjoying the fruits of her affiliation with TomHanks as she was not brought back for the next run on the road, after they'd all but hired her, but i guess that was before. whatev! this tour is easily in the past two years' history, if not longer ago now, yet HT is still holding on to some bitter party of one. i was actually called out of my cubby to share the message she'd typed into some random budweiser-sponsored internet program that gives verbal life to any photo you want to attach. thus, here's the script that this robot voice bleeted at us:

"hi, i'm TomHanks and i'm a second rate actor. i am totally dull and have the personality of a wet mop soaked in dog pis. i think i'm a great musician, but in realty, i suk. in fact, i suck big llama dick everyday."

i believe that to be as verbatim as i can hope for, and sadly must inform you the author is 27 years old. 27! i would like it noted that dog "pis" was indeed spelled with a singular s, rendering the pronounciation heavy on its short front accent. pis! pis! realty and suk misspelled as well. i really didn't know how to react to this new toy. i just stood there staring at the monitor and HammahTime howling and guffawing, then eventually chocking and spitting on her laughter as her heft slid and tumbled around her chair. how can you really absorb the entire plot of all this scene implies? beyond the weirdness of that talking photo, she also snitched on YangBoss, to both the intern and me, with claims to have "found" porn stashed away on his computer, the first alleged incident of this took place five years ago. the claim is that she was using an old computer in one of our previous offices (this crazy bitch has never worked anywhere else since college graduation but for these two dudesso she made sure to investigate his computer while the office was closed last weekend and show her findings to YinBoss' wife, who happens to do our accounting. our intern questioned how this porn was stashed away and she admitted that it was in a non-descript file called "new folder" buried away inside folder inside folder inside folder. and you just "found" that shit? she had the nerve to quip, "you can't ever act like you know this! i hope it doesn't ruin your opinion of YangBoss!" no, i find nothing wrong with the owner of this very small company viewing whatever he likes on his own private computer that he's paying for every month along with the office housing it that is also rented on his dime. but i do, in fact, have a problem with anyone like HammahTime who replaces the life she desperately needs by snooping through other people's biz and most especially, spreading the word around where she needn't. she gots gall.

which leads to my snapping fit with HT this a.m. i'd sent an e-mail to YangBoss reminding him that i was meeting with our attorney for the Agent99/Mole v. Slumlord case today and would be in before noon. i also had to reschedule a session with this wacky talent agent (formerly of the chi, now in l.a.) and it fit into my morning plans perfectly, so i got that worked in as well. i enjoyed my lesson, but it really is odd to fully dissect the way you look and sound on film. i need some style cut into my locks again, that's fo sho. they starting to look a little too shaggy and non-descript. looking forward to seeing this guy again when he's back in the chi come summer. think i have some good instincts that need that i simply need to use again and get polishing and he can help. anyway, i roll in just before my stated time and am greeted with, "weeellllll, good afternoon, Agent99!!" and an exaggerated tap of the watch on her wrist. first of all, i really don't feel the need to explain my whereabouts to the receptionist, and secondly, upon my hire here, i expressly arranged to have flex-time as i see fit to pick up waitressing shifts or utilize for whatever other creative endeavors i need to make time for. my voiceover and this on-camera lesson directly corrolate to my ability to make some much needed extra funds, which again does not require me to notify the administrative help. Mole praised me recently about how well i put up with this silly girl's shit, but at times i just can't keep the wolverine under wraps, and i'm gonna snap. i believe a verbatim quote from me to this bullshit about my arrival time was a don't go there look followed by, "um....girl, i think we both know that i work on my own schedule here. besides the fact that i notified who i needed to about my where i was today, so *don't worry about it.*" i admit that my tone was snappish and i probably should have just ignored her remark and moved on, but sometimes a sistah gots to say what she gots to. you don't see me commenting every day that Hammah oversleeps, gets her car stuck in mud, or leaves early for endless doctor appointments to get her middle surgically reduced. no, i don't feel the need to get up in anyone's biz otha than mine, but that don't mean that i'm blind to her constantly updating her profile on some freebie singles site and IM'ing all these randomites she meets on that hideous awful hot or not? website. on the company time, but don't mind me. that ain't my biz.

you know i'll be clearing out my internet history with a vengence tonight to keep her outta my junk. that's a real shame when you have to look over your shoulder as you type in the office, but, at the same time, at leaet i can type in the office and play on the interweb. i'm not ignorant of the fact that i do have the freedom to do what i want, when i want it, reasonably off da record here. that is worth its weight in gems.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

celebrity culture has gone around the bend

you know what, just give the world a fuckin' break, would ya? this man need a dose of reality and a side-kick off the pedestal. please.

Crowe Says al-Qaida Wanted to Kidnap Him
--------------------

By Associated Press

March 9, 2005, 9:51 AM CST

SYDNEY, Australia -- Russell Crowe says Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida terror
network wanted to kidnap him as part of a "cultural destabilization plot,"
according to an Australian magazine.

In an interview published in the March edition of Australia's GQ magazine, Crowe
said FBI agents told him of the threat in 2001, in the months before he won a
best actor Oscar for his role as Maximus in "Gladiator."

"That was the first (time) I'd ever heard the phrase 'al-Qaida,'" Crowe said.
"It was about -- and here's another little touch of irony -- taking iconographic
Americans out of the picture as sort of a cultural destabilization plot," he
added.

Crowe was born in New Zealand and has a ranch in eastern Australia but made his
name in Hollywood.

It was not clear if there were other targets in the plot.

Crowe said he was shadowed by FBI agents after the threat and hired private
security guards.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

because dog is okay with me

our furnace went on the fritz wednesday night. around 9:00, Mole was complaining of the cold, and noticed that adjusting the thermostat wasn't forcing the heat to kick on. so, i called BldgBenevolence and she promised to send over her fixer man early yesterday. i had to run into the crib briefly to pick up my scripts for coaching with VoxyLady, and happened upon BB who informed me that the furnace was now in good repair and nonchalently added that she had taken "dog for long walking. is she running so fast the whole time?" "you walked WeeBeastie?" said i, imagining my tiny, older landlady whipped down the streets on the heels of my old dog who has a lot of energy and drive. i bet she was getting dragged along with whole way. more enjoyable than imagining the scene of my spunky terrier getting walked by our landlady is the note i found in my kitchen:

"furnace is fixed. he replaced one part -- waiting for this part i took connie for a long walk. (1 - 2 PM)

i can't believe, how fast is she running, i couldn't follow her.

also, i see, your laundry room door is not working well so next week a maintenance man will be here to fix it.

thank you, Svetlana"

her name is another instance where i wish it was in better form to use peep's true monikers on a blog, because she has a very interesting polish name. Svetlana gonna have to do for now. we couldn't figure out why she was referring to WeeBeastie as "connie", because oddly enough, that was the name the rescue group registered her with (but we did not keep for her). as i was straightening out the few contents of our furnace storage closet, i noticed the name emblazoned in sharpie atop this dog carrier we were given by Mole's brother: connie mcdonald. over the door in fading letters is "peanut". WeeBeastie will likely have to endure this confused addressing from Svetlana from here on out. i'm sure there will be no issue as dog is okay with her.

dog is not okay with WeatherBird. MeMaw informed me that my brother Bulldog's latest canine addition to their fam is quite a handful and loves no one more than my father, who is most certainly the least fan of dogs of any member of our family. she recounted a funny tale of a recent dinner at Bulldog's and this wild dog would not get out of WB's face. my father was trying to block the dog's advances with jabbing his foot in her face to block her path, shooing of the hands and all failing, pushing the dog off his chest. "now, get offa me, ya sonafabitch!" his animal is said to be really off the hook and i delighted in hearing about my pops going into canine combat mode. maybe something like that will go down the next time i'm home for a sunday dinner.

ended a three week dry spell from puffing and it feels pretty odd to be back on again. certainly enjoyed these last three days of relaxation, but can tell there's a big difference in what i can accomplish when i'm in lounging time or scheduled time. it's felt great to check out today, no doubt, but i know i have to get back on pace tomorrow, which isn't a bad thing at all. especially during this demo process, i needs to be on my game and keep the sluggishness to a minimum. recording to begin in three weeks, which should put me with finished product in hand by june's arrival. makes the head spin to think of the financial spoils just one ad could make. not even for spoiling sake, just one good placement could eliminate some debt that's been monkeying my back for many a year, providing an easier way to live on what i'm making during the day. let me not lose the keys to the kingdom in the cushions of the couch.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

blogging acceptance and blogging denied

first stop for the white house, inviting fresh faces to the press room. next stop, not stuffing everyone into the conservative dictum of what is right and wrong! (a gurl can dream, can't she?)

White House Admits 1st Blogger to Briefing

Mon Mar 7, 6:32 PM ET White House - AP



WASHINGTON - With an official credential hanging from his neck, a young man stepped into the White House briefing room Monday as perhaps the first blogger to cover the daily press briefings. He found the surroundings to be dilapidated and cramped and concluded that his morning at the White House was "remarkably uneventful."

Garrett M. Graff, 23, writes Fishbowl D.C., a Web log about the news media in Washington. He decided to see if he could get a daily pass for a briefing after a recent controversy raised questions about White House access and who is a legitimate reporter.

Graff said he got his pass after a week of asking. "The briefing room ought to be an inclusive place," White House press secretary Scott McClellan said. Historically, he said, the White House has admitted "the traditional media and the nontraditional media, as well as colorful individuals with certain points of view from the left and the right."

The White House credentialing process came under scrutiny after a flap over James Guckert, who used the alias Jeff Gannon. For two years he was granted daily passes to White House briefings as Washington bureau chief for Talon News, a conservative online news outlet associated with another Web site, GOPUSA. At a news conference last month, he asked Bush how he could work on Social Security (news - web sites) and other domestic initiatives with Democrats "who seem to have divorced themselves from reality."

That attracted scrutiny from liberal bloggers, who linked Guckert with Web sites containing gay pornography. Guckert resigned from Talon News.

McClellan said Graff was believed to be the first blogger to be credentialed to attend his morning press gathering and his televised briefing later in the day. McClellan ran into Graff in the press room in the afternoon and greeted him as "the mystery man." The two went up to McClellan's office to chat.

On his blog, Graff wrote: "Our first impression this morning? As glamorous as the beat itself may be, there's little glamour to be found in the briefing room. The conditions of the briefing room, famously built over the old White House swimming pool, um, leave something to be desired."

Graff is the son of Christopher Graff, correspondent for The Associated Press in Montpelier, Vt.


___


On the Net:


Fishbowl D.C.: http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowldc/


and, as i scribe from my laidback work nook, i must bow and give a moment of silence to all those chained to the corporate american nonsense. i feel their pain from my own memories of the not so distant past of being tied and bound to a culture i neither embraced nor understood. stand free and write your blogs and let not "the man" bring your words down!

--------------------
Firms firing workers for blogging
--------------------

By ANICK JESDANUN
AP Internet Writer

March 7, 2005, 7:39 AM CST

NEW YORK -- Flight attendant Ellen Simonetti and former Google employee Mark Jen
have more in common than their love of blogging: They both got fired over it.
Though many companies have Internet guidelines that prohibit visiting porn sites
or forwarding racist jokes, few of the policies directly cover blogs, or Web
journals, particularly those written outside of work hours.

Simonetti had posted suggestive photographs of herself in uniform, while Jen
speculated online about his employer's finances. In neither case were their
bosses happy when they found out.

"There needs to be a dialogue going on between employers and employees," said
Heather Armstrong, a Web designer fired for commenting on her blog about goings
on at work. "There's this power of personal publishing, and there needs to be
rules about what you can or cannot say about the workplace."

On blogs, which are by their very nature public forums, people often muse about
their likes and dislikes -- of family, of friends, of co-workers. Currently, some 27 percent of online U.S. adults read blogs, and 7 percent pen them, according to The Pew Internet and American Life Project.

With search engines making it easy to find virtually anything anyone says in a
blog these days, companies are taking notice -- and taking action.

"Because it's less formal, you're more likely to say something that would offend
your boss," said Lewis Maltby, president of the National Workrights Institute, a
workers' rights group.

Armstrong, who wouldn't name the company that fired her in 2002, said some of
her bosses took issue with such posts as "Comments Heard In, Around, and
Consequent to the Company Christmas Party Last Evening."

Soon after she was sacked, sympathizers coined the term "dooced," meaning "to
have lost one's job because of one's Web site," in her case dooce.com.

In 2003, a Microsoft Corp. contractor was fired after posting photographs of
computers from rival Apple Computer Inc. at a loading dock. Because Michael
Hanscom had described a building in his posting, Microsoft said he had violated
security, he said.

Last fall, Simonetti posted photographs of herself posing in a Delta Air Lines
uniform inside a company airplane, her bra partly revealed in one. She was fired
weeks later.

And in January, Jen was fired by Google over a blog that discussed life at the
company, even though he said "it's all publicly available information and my
personal thoughts and experiences."

Upon reflection, Jen said, he understood Google's concerns, given readers'
tendencies to read between the lines and draw conclusions based on "random
comments I made."

He said he hoped his case would prompt workers to "talk to their managers at
length about blogging before they begin."

Simonetti said she still doesn't know what she did wrong, saying that plenty of
employee Web sites and dating profiles identify Delta and include photos in
uniform.

"If there is a policy against this, why weren't all these people punished
before?" she said.

Delta and Google officials would only say that Simonetti and Jen no longer
worked for them.

In 1997, blogging pioneer Cameron Barrett lost a job at a small marketing firm
in Michigan after co-workers stumbled upon "experimental" short stories from his
creative writing class on his site. Now, he's much more cautious, and he
suspended his blog while campaigning for Wesley Clark during the Democratic
presidential primaries.

"I knew that everything I wrote would be scrutinized at (a) microscope level by
the other campaigns and their supporters," Barrett wrote in an e-mail.

Annalee Newitz, a policy analyst at the civil liberties group Electronic
Frontier Foundation, said employees often "don't realize the First Amendment
doesn't protect their job."

The First Amendment only restricts government control of speech. So private
employers are free to fire at will in most states, as long as it's not
discriminatory or in retaliation for whistle-blowing or union organizing, labor
experts say.

A few companies actually do encourage personal, unofficial blogs and have
policies defining do's and don'ts for employees who post online. They recognize
that there can be value in engaging customers through thoughtful blogs.

"There's always a risk, but you always have that risk anytime you put an
employee on the phone," Forrester Research analyst Charlene Li said.

Sun Microsystems Inc. encourages blogging, offering server space for personal
blogs but warning bloggers not to reveal secrets or make financial disclosures
that might violate securities law. Sun also offers advice on how to keep blogs
interesting.

Only in rare cases are employees "unofficially asked to soften some wording,"
said Tim Bray, the Sun policy's chief architect. Rather, he said, the policy
creates a structure for discussions between employees and their managers.

Jeff Seul, general counsel at Groove Networks Inc., said the policy he wrote for
his company aims to tolerate dissent but not disrespect.

Microsoft refused to comment on Hanscom's case, but pointed out that it
encourages blogging and has more than 1,500 unofficial bloggers -- the bulk on
Microsoft's official Web sites.

Christopher Cobey, an employment lawyer at the Littler Mendelson law firm's
Silicon Valley office, said publicity over recent blog-related firings has
prompted increased inquiries from companies about developing policies.

But some experts question whether a separate blogging policy is needed at all,
given more general employment guidelines and common sense.

Anil Dash, vice president at blog software developer Six Apart Ltd., said
publicized firings have been generally not over blogging but over other
violations that happened to be done through blogging.

Mark Dichter, chairman of labor and employment at the law firm Morgan, Lewis &
Bockius LLP, said policies can tie the hands of employers.

"It requires you to anticipate and draw lines," he said, "and once you set
policies then you get into litigation into which side of the line it fell."

* __

On the Net:

Simonetti's blog: http://queenofsky.journalspace.com

Jen's blog: http://99zeros.blogspot.com

Microsoft blogs: http://blogs.msdn.com

Sun policy: http://www.tbray.org/ongoing/When/200x/2004/05/02/Policy

Sunday, March 06, 2005

this G5 finna be my new obsession

Mole and i plopped in front of our new toy for a few hours today, playing with the vast array of radio stations available on iTunes and catching up on any kind of mp3 or video clip that we've been unable to watch on our scammed net sources. my office has been struggling for years to get some decent net service (due to our odd location not being serviced by comcast), so we can't download any artists' demos that come our way because that dial-up is a such a downer. fortunately, that sitch is just about to be rectified and some hi-speed is coming to the rescue, but i needn't dance around in anticipation, cuz i gots my own system right here. and i likes it. seems like this may actually assist me in staying on a more rigorous schedule during the day because i won't be relying on their net service for my personal biz, so we'll see if that helps keep me from playing more reindeer games than i should. i just booked a show on friday that made my numbers for april, so that's now three months in a row that i've met and will soon exceed my draw. i doubled the draw amount for february, so i should have a decent commission check coming my way this week. march is almost at the same amount and i'm hoping for a few last minute bookings to slide in, and now april is at least at the bare minimum it needs to be at, with plenty of time to up those dollars. my time is gonna come, i gots that feeling.

i'm sure i could have utilized another paragraph to capture those thoughts, but i'm just running my fingers and trying to get some cohesive sentences out before i fall into bed. had a very productive day today with pilates then brunch at the bongo room with Sketch and CheetahGurl (who desperately needs a new blog name, because that one isn't right for her. Mole and i couldn't come up with anything tonight, but the search goes on.) we popped into the vacant unit in our coach house (those girls from the frozen tires night have shagged) then enjoyed the most amazing weather we've had in weeks. took WeeBeastie for an extended shank run in the sunny 60ish degrees day and lamented that we won't be seeing another for some time as 20s & 30s are on the agenda for the rest of the week. springtime really is non-existant in chicago. we did finally get the vast majority of our painting project out of the way, and although i'm vowed to secrecy, i have to say that this instant stuff is the bomb diggity. even a pair of decorative idiots like Mole and me can give a room some color. we're about three quarters done surrounding our bed nook with a chocolatey hue and it makes an amazing amount of difference to have that color on the walls. no tarps, no taping edges, so paint splatters, just an adhesive coloring system that i'm sure will be a hit when it's released on the market. you heard it here first, but you didn't hear that shit from me.

think another graph was in order, but i'm just not up for structural organization tonight. the ivan drago of aerobics instructors absolutely tortured us on saturday in a bosu bootcamp class, making pilates a chore today, but i want more. not really chomping at the bit to run laps in the studio with a barbell in my hands (no, not a hand weight -- an actual barbell), but once i recovered from the initial ass beating, i truly felt energized so i know i'm really over the hump of getting the gym habit in my veins again. with that said, i must retire, because there is yoga to be done at 6 a.m. and i needs my rest.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

the g.i.g.o. effect

today's title references my 5th grade play in which the world of computers was explored from the viewpoint of the 80s. g.i.g.o. stands for garbage in, garbage out. playing a "glitch cheerleader", i can recall one of our chants that summoned "glitches, glitches is our cry! dirty power, do or die!" the deets are escaping me, but i know the storyline primarily surrounded a group of kids (they always had a gang of speaking parts in these elementary shows) trying to save the world from the glitches taking over our gigantic computer systems. and i do mean, gigantic. i love to see some old skool technology representin' because everything was so huge. computers with their gargantuan hard drive towers, big ass video cameras and my personal favorite, the car phone. we didn't call those talking wonders no cell phone because they were housed in strapped bag (coincidentally about the size of a handheld camcorder today) that you literally stuffed under the seat of your car, to have on hand in case of some vehiculer drama. i wasn't about to drag that car phone bag out and about trying to chat up my friends because it was like hoisting an infant around, and who needs a baby that can't hold no charge?

thus, it is with great pleasure that i announce Agent99's arrival into the modern age as she types this entry from her own computer, sitting inside her crib atop a splendid new glass-top desk. gone are the days of mooching word processing and internet services from employers (although, let's be real, that really isn't going to stop), but at least i now have the home system on hand to toy with at my leisure. have to hand it to the Mole for insisting that it was time to update his raggedy laptop and get something fierce that we both can use. once i get with the blogging program and start including pictures here, i'll show you our darling iMac G5 that is on course with the shrinking technology of today. the entire system consists of a keyboard and 17" monitor that houses all the guts of the machine. that's all. just these two pieces and i'm sitting pretty with net capabilities and the garageband program that will allow me to record my v/o auditions and turn them into mp3's in the blink of a wink, amongst other techno treats. i realize a computer is not at all a big thing for, well, most of the nation, but since i've never wanted to make this investment and have been content with using school, work and even net cafe's systems, this is an enormous step for me. i'm already glad my man jumped in and made this purchase, and this is just the first day of having it up and running. i know that an iPod is going to be in my not so distant future and i'm *so* looking forward to exploring tunes aplenty again. feel like i've been in survival mode for a long time and have been letting much of the world turn around me in some ways, so it's a good, good thing to jump on the apple train. this dsl stuff is damn speedy, but i can tell that come september when this contract ends with sbc, we'll be jumping ship in lieu of the cable connection. while i was bootlegging last year, i could no longer utter my standard cry of "but i ain't got no cable!", but once again, we are sustained on damn near nothing but pbs. i really have no problem with that because i view the vast majority of television as another unwelcome connection to the dreges of the red states, but it probably is time to reintroduce myself to the joys of tv beyond the drab networks. and to actually pay a bill this time instead of helping myself.

taking a wheel of fortune spin through my pen & paper journals and have randomly selected a volume covering april 15, 2003 to may 21, 2004. let's see what kind of thoughts appear from a flip of the wrist. mid september 2003 and i've just started working with Abzu, so there's alot of song lyrics here. i'd just gotten back from that pr mission for my last (and *final* ad agency employ) where i'd hit 10 states in two weeks. tiring, but hands down the best experience i had there because i was by myself and doing what i do best without being sucked into client drama.

two quotes of note:

"never say never. wait 20 years and say didn't" -- IrishEyes, on the regrets of past relationships

"and it starts with, 'little joey works at target and lives with his brother for free.'" -- Neesia, describing a song he was writing. i recall laughing my ass off about this when he read me the lyrics over the phone one day.

Friday, March 04, 2005

they gonna tow yo car! you'll see!

so, last night Mole and i got to cross a new music venue off our list of places to check out before we check out of chicago: phyllis' musical inn. The man of one of Mole's co-workers is in a band called "the manners" and it was their debut gig. this couple was kind enough to come out to see me perform at the chick singer night last summer, so i was happy to throw the support line his way. our old bones aren't out kickin' it on a regular basis, so i decided to step it up a notch and wear a bustilicious top with my jeans, which was overdressing to the extreme at phyllis'. i don't know of any other bars that have a 50 gallon fish tank representin' "land of the lost" style, and i like to see that. our friend is the only brotha in a very lily white indie band and he was really cute jumping around with his bass. this group definitely exemplifies the emo-punkish style where it's the faster the better, and while that's not exactly my thing, i give respect to anyone who gets up and shows their stuff. the crowd really seemed to dig them, so perhaps they'll get to play there again. hey, if there's going to be a peeps smorgasbord up for grabs again, i'm there.

more enjoyable than the show was the encounter we had while trying to park the car. phyllis' is totally within a nice walking distance of our crib, but not on a winter night, so we found a spot on a street a couple of blocks behind the bar. as we're walking away from the malibu, i see this clanking hooptie sitting across the street and its driver hollers at me, "eh! eh! you live there?" pointing at the public housing unit in front of us. "naw," i say. to which he replied with the aforementioned, "they gonna tow yo car!" i said, "who they?" "you can't park there!" said he. i'm looking around for permit parking or no parking notices and seeing nothing. "are there some signs around here?" i asked, not at all giving this guy an attitude, because seriously, why am i gonna talk shit to some dude creeping round the public housing? "they gonna tow yo car! you'll see!" comes the reply right as this other sedan glides up to Mole. the driver rolls down his window and says, "um, i'm a chaplain with the chicago police and that's my spot. i'm here on official business." "see! i told you!!" my hooptie driver is calling at me. Mole told the chaplain no problem and we hopped in to move my ride. "is this guy totally bullshitting us?" i asked my man. "well, he had a collar on and there was a little chaplain sign in his window, so i guess it's legit." sure enough, i noticed an identical white sedan parked right behind the spot in question with i.d. in the window, so we rolled on without further incident. we found another spot up the street and as we walked toward the bar, i spied that hefty chaplain strolling up to the door of the housing with a couple of big ass bags of takeout in his mitts. i guess his "official business" was bringing a bunch of grub up to some alleged crime scene inside. i wasn't aware that clergy delivered. i'll have to request a half order of shrimp fried rice and some crab rangoon the next time i ring up the chicago p.d.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

sistah, you been on mah mind

gurl getaways are still the best, even at age 30. probably better now, as the years advance. my two best sorority sistahs, Ru and Nacki, are always good for some nice r&r time. we took a notorious roadtrip to new orleans for mardi gras in 2001, but aside from that, most of our journeys have been to visit each other in our respective cities of choice. Nacki and her husband live in a western 'burb of da lou and Ru is holed up in philadelphia. we seem to get in two visits annually now as the trio with different pairs of us hooking up periodically. i hung out with Nacki during thanksgiving last year in da lou and both the ladies came to visit me in the chi the previous march. i got to catch up with Ru during a philly business trip in february 04, but the last time we'd convened together on the east coast was august 2003, so we decided it was time to get back there. that in itself was a really odd visit because Nack's man was stationed in kentucky and literally was shipped off to the iraq meat grinder while we were hanging out on the beach in atlantic city. Ru is shacking with her folks in a really upscale subdivision that's nestled into a country-esque villa. they have a beautiful pond behind the house and we'd wake up to the canadian geese prowling around their yard every morning. we stayed up til all hours on friday night yapping, most specifically about Nacki's news that she'll be a mutha come october! it's really crazy to think of all the changes we've seen each other through in the last 10 years, and now we'll be witnessing a totally new era for her. she's hoping that MotherEarth will be available to babysit when she goes back to work, and i think it's a great idea, if my benevolent pal is up for it. saturday was spent getting mani's and pedi's and attempting to see a movie after the funkiest italian food i've had in a good while. we had a fantastic thin crust pizza (an anomaly in the chi) when we arrived, which was the polar opposite of the horrible gnocchi and spaghetti we tried to eat later on at this mom & pop pasta joint. how can a restaurant mess up spaghetti? luckily, the convo was stellar, so no worries about a nappy meal. i'd been balled up about finances and other life drama for a couple of weeks and sleeping really poorly, but after a couple of days in the company of my hoochies, felt completely rested. not many of my friends can incite such calm. in fact, it's often just the opposite, so i don't take their influence lightly. our next meeting will be this summer at Nacki's new home where we will lounge around the pool and boss her man around. he's actually been bragging to people about serving as our cabana boy, which i think is hilarious. i'm going to find Nacks a t-shirt at the cutie deli on damen and have it printed with "the cabana boy is my baby daddy". i hope he's ready to step and fetch, because we some demanding bitches. long live the hoochie three!