i have of late, but wherefore i know not lost all my mirth. this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory.

in my aggravation of the day, i can only muster some bullet-pointed commentary.

* my job title is "agent". sometimes that means "p.r. maven", sometimes "keeper of the key", sometimes "hard core huckster". today, it means "fire fighter" and "cancellor of dates booked". i booked two shows yesterday only to have them yanked from my hands today -- after the contracts have been issued. argh! a sistah be dependent on this shit, you know? makes me wallet angry.

* voiceover on the upswing. had my first major paid gig on friday, spouting poetic on a new carpet product and that's all i can say about it, as i signed my life away on a confidentiality agreement. but there's pay coming to my pocket, and for that, i'm quite happy. picked up another agent in chicago, one who does only the non-union and claims the bookings come straight from my demo on their site. bring it on, yo!

* just found out my grandfather passed away -- last wednesday. his gracious "second family" decided not to notify us, thus letting my mother get this bit of news via a friend who read his obit in the newspaper. sons of bitches, these people. he's being laid out today and of course, i couldn't get home in time for the funeral tomorrow. now, had i been told of this LAST WEEK, i could have made appropriate travel arrangements. my mother will be flanked by my brother and cousins at the wake today and informed me that she's dragging our last family portrait in to the funeral home and displaying it right by the casket so peeps will see this man had family beyond these resentful wretches who surrounded him at the end of his life. not that any of us were remotely mentioned in his obituary, mind you. i feel pretty numb to this news, since it's been years since i was "allowed" by his hateful wife to see him, but there's some resentment bubbling below the surface that i can feel right now. how dare these fuckers? it's probably best i'm not respresentin' at this event, knowing my propensity for spouting off at the mouth. i can just picture myself telling them not to put that faux grief display on when they laughing all the way to the bank with his money -- not to mention everything my grandmother slaved her life away to provide for them. damn these people for making my mother so upset when she's in the thick of this cancer bullshit.

* in the immortal wisdom of the sorority rush process, we shall end the discussion on a positive. today is fat tuesday, new orleans is struggling, but staying alive, and i shall celebrate my nearly home tonight with rounds of bumpus and mucca pazza and perhaps some jambalaya. i think it's apparant i need to jump loose some stress.