hey kid, yo mamma a pushy one, ya heard?

may i present to you, a modern version of an ancient saga:



most of my visits to my chicago agent have found me alone in the waiting room, or with a random model or two. today, i was treated to a room packed full of boys in the 10-12 age range, there to audition for a new movie version of a popular children's bedtime story. the young men were on fine behavior, but silent observation of their mothers proved to be quite insightful. ah, the mind of a middle-aged american woman. there seems to be *alot* of psychological analysis one could attach to the posturing of their performing brood.

witnesss this sandbox pissing match:

obnoxious stage mommy: so, have you taken him to any of these classes? (referring to a pamphlet from the audition studio)

kind stage mommy: yes, he's done a couple there and really enjoyed them. i also took a class on the business that i think was really benefici....

osm, interrupting: yeah, my kids ski on saturdays, so their schedule doesn't work for us.

ksm: i see.

osm: how old are yours?

ksm: well, he's 10 and my other son is 8, then the little...

osm, interrupting again: yeah, mine are 10 and 12. (mumble, mumble) ski on saturdays (mumble).

ksm: i'm sorry? do my kids ski?

osm: no, i'm saying mine do. every saturday! i've got four, so this schedule doesn't work. how close are yours?

ksm: they're a year but two grade..

osm: mine are 18 months and one grade apart. yeah, that close. well, only two of them are doing this (referring to the acting). how long you been here?

ksm, looking to son with her: um, let's see, well, it's been a few years..

osm: yeah, mine been doing it for threee years.

ksm: and we've been with ChicagoAgent for about six months, right honey?

osm: oh, you haven't always been with her?

ksm: no, this is new for us. we're trying things exclusive this time.

osm: exclusive!! how'd you get that?? what makes it so much better? i mean, if you're only with ChicagoAgent, then what made you choose her? i mean, outta everyone else, what do you think she's gonna do for you different?

ksm: well....i....i have a very nice relationship with them and feel very comfortable. and the kids really like...

osm: yeah, well he was getting all these auditions from other agents and every time we'd go, i'd call the very next day for an update on casting and they'd just ignore me! like you could get them to call you back? they callin' you back?

around this time, one of the other agents came out and asked if we were all here for the audition while i scanned the room of young 'ums. "well, i think i'm probably here for a different audition than these guys," said i. a different audition from a different reality.

lord, help me stray from entering my 40s with only the promise of reliving my life through a child.